You can't special order awesome
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
