if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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