it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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