Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
