FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
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