Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
