Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The feeling are messing with the penis
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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