Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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