my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
