Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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