Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
