Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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