I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
