i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
