Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have demons in me.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I know her cup size but not her name....
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
