i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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