then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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