i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
