i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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