I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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