Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
