I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
