Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He passed out mid-signature
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
