respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
