listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
