After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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