yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
