How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
