2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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