omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
