The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
