Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
