We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
