I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Randomize
