ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
