Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
