the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
