i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
