I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
