Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
