my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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