Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
