dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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