I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
