you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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