How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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