I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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