what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
