What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The cops high fived after they tackled you
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
