I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
