i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
