That's when you crack a 10am beer
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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