omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
