You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
