I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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