I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
