I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my phone needs a breathalizer
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
