Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
